Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Perfectly imperfect meditation

I have decided to jump on the meditation bandwagon and am taking part in Jan Lundy's 28-Day Meditation Challenge over at Awake is Good. Back in November I re-started a mediation practice that I had abandoned for a few years. I loved my daily quiet time spent with my spirit and the Divine. I actually continued this meditation practice for a few weeks, but as the holidays came upon me, I slowly began to spend less time in quiet meditation. I continued to rise before the family, but my time was being taken over by the computer. I am pretty sure that I began to walk away from my meditation because the guided meditation that I once connected with was becoming too repetitive. I became bored. Before I knew it, my meditation time had completely disappeared.

Until I came across a post from Jan about her 28-Day Meditation Challenge. As I read the post, I heard the quiet voice of my spirit tell me that it was time to get "quiet" again. I agreed whole-heartedly. I was actually very excited about the idea.

Even though it had only been a few weeks since I had stopped my morning meditation, I had a hard time remembering what my normal meditation was like. So on Day 1, I started anew. I just sat in the quiet peacefulness and listened. It felt awkward. I felt like I was doing it all wrong. My mind very rarely lets me have peace, and if my mind is not going full speed then I am falling asleep. I found myself wanting to do it right and getting slightly frustrated by my inability to focus. So I gave up trying to go within and started focusing on what was going on around me. The sun was coming up over the trees, my Christmas tree lights were so shiny and bright, the music was soothing and left me feeling peaceful. I took that peaceful feeling and started my day. That peace followed me around all day.

Day 2 was pretty much a wash because I feel asleep during the meditation. When I woke up I was greeted by the soft voice of my Spirit again. She told me to find the peace. So I just sat until I felt peaceful. I really didn't have to sit for very long.

Day 3 was another day of not being able to focus. My wild mind had a lot to say, and I really wasn't interested in what it had to say. So my good friend, Spirit, gently guided me to just repeat the word "Peace" whenever my mind began to wander. I wish I could say that that worked, but my mind is relentless. However, when one repeats the word "Peace" a gazillion times it tends to become ingrained in them, so my day was once again peace-filled.

Today was Day 4. I had another day of lack of focus, but I was ok with it. I spent most of my time contemplating what meditation should look like for me. I had gotten the message that meditation looks and feels differently for everyone. I know that there are specific meditations that people benefit from, but I am not one of those people today.

I have some ideas about what this Challenge is going to do for me. I am starting it out with no idea what MY meditation practice is going to be, but I am confident that by the end of these 28 days I will have one. It will be mine.

These last 4 days in meditation have not been filled with silencing my mind and connecting with the Divine, but they have been filled with peace. They have been filled with quiet conversations with my spirit. My perfectly imperfect meditations are going to lead me to the Divine. I'm just going to sit back and let the Divine come to me.

Come on over to Awake is Good and join in on the fun. You will find quite the community of those dedicated to 28 days of meditation. You might even find your SELF there.

Just my thoughts.


Caroline said...

Isn't this a wonderful journey we are on? I am so glad that I took this's not easy...but I can feel the difference in my mindfulness. You said it just right...perfectly imperfect!

Stark Raving Zen said...

I'm going to try it too, I think. I've been telling that part of me, so averse to STRUCTURE, to lighten up. One of these days, she just might listen. ;)

Daphne said...

I think it's wonderful that you have stuck with it every day despite the frustrations and distractions. Having a community of supporters (and people to whom you are accountable) helps so much! Way to go and keep it up!

shiny mamaof6 said...

Caroline - I am really enjoying this experience. It is teaching me to just let things be. Love that you are "with" me.

Kristy - I wouldn't say that my time in meditation is structured. I would say I'm a more of a willy nilly meditator. I'm going to shoot for the same time each day, but if it doesn't happen in the morning then it will happen at night. Hmm...maybe I should do both day and night.

Daphne - The frustrations and distractions are actually the things that keep me pushing forward. I can't wait to see what lies on the other side.

Jan said...

Jill, what a delight to wander over here and find your post on the Challenge at my blog. Wow! And you are being so faithful despite some bumps. Well, you are not alone. Mine has been bumpy too but I am definitely feeling more grounded than in a very long time. And deeply peaceful, though it doesn't seem like I am meditating that much. I think it is the intention which is so powerful. Then pairing that with mindful attention (to what you are doing throughout the day) is really key. And focus, big time focus, because I can wander all over the place, that's for sure. Busy, busy mind!

But most of all I think this is all about taking good care of us, something I know you have become really passionate about in the last year. And being gentle. Being kind to ourselves. Glad you are here with the rest of us....Hugs!

shiny mamaof6 said...

Jan - Your blog has always inspired me. I am very grateful that I am able to benefit from the wisdom that you share. Thank you for being you.

Nina P. said...

Oh to try, try and try again, each time the task gets easier. Perfection is not the goal, it is in the trying we learn. Blessings to you my friend. Love and Light, Nina P

Anonymous said...

When the "Spirit" calls....
I am in this challenge with you--meditating for my first time because my "blogging friends" are, and I know the wisdom and encouragement will help me to discover this whole new world.
I am so glad you are doing this for yourself. Your body rests when it needs to rest, thoughts stream when they need to stream, but as in all else it is the simple proces of *doing*. And as you share, I am inspired and I learn:)

mermaid said...

No one gives awards to those who meditate, but let's change that. Jill, you get the Peace Award, for sitting, for showing up, wild mind and on.

May you continue to sit despite the doubting, judgmental voices. May you hear the one clear voice of trust that this will change your life.

inkywasfat said...

Maybe blogging is your quiet time.

shiny mamaof6 said...

Wow, I don't know how these comments got past me.

Nina P. - I am shocked that I have continued on with this challenge, even when it feels like I'll never get it right. That itself is proof that I no longer bow down to perfection like I used to. Thank you for the blessing.

Joy - Thank you again, for your encouraging words and for taking this challenge along with me.

Mermaid - I will accept that Peace Award, and I will share it with this community of bloggers that I gain so much wisdom and peace from.

Stacey - You are spot on about blogging being my quiet time. I have been thinking about this the last few days. I can't wait to see where this kind of quiet takes me.