Friday, October 26, 2012

Anger be gone!!

I've been carrying a ton of anger around with me these days.  I'm angry at people, institutions and political parties.  Just to name a few.  And all I have learned from all this anger is that I always feel like a victim.  I feel fear daily.  I will be happy as can be and then see something on my computer or the tv or a lawn sign and suddenly I'm pissed as hell.  

I feel it in my whole body.  I grind my teeth, get a headache, get a pain in the center of my stomach, have back spasms.  My mind spins with how much wrong is in this world.  I get completely lost in my anger and fear.  

Doesn't that sound like a fun place to be?

I think, that with this election coming up, there are a lot of people out there that are feeling something similar to what I feel.  Day after day....  I just want to say something about that. 

It sucks to be stuck in anger and fear, but it really sucks when there are thousands of other people out there suffering from the same thing.  And all of that collective anger and fear just keeps the suckiness swirling around waiting for the next person to fall into it.  

So I have an idea.  Lets let the anger go.  What a novel idea, right?  Just let it go.... where?  Believe me, I have just as many snarky comments going through my mind as you do right now.  Bear with me as I talk to myself for awhile.


 A person can't just let their anger go.  

Why not?  

Because you can't just let go of something that you feel so passionately about.

You feel passionately about anger?

No! I feel passionately about all the wrong going on in the world and it makes me angry.  I hate seeing all of the division and lack of acceptance and bullying.

So you can't feel passion without anger?  You can't feel passion without fear turning you into an anxious mess who talks to herself?

I guess not.  

Do you feel passionately about Love and Joy and Acceptance?

Yes. Of course I do!

So those things fill you up with anger?

No.  Why would they do that?

Well, you said that you can't feel passion without anger.  I'm just trying to be clear on where you stand.

(Silent pause)

So you can feel passion, free of anger, with all the things that you believe make your world a wonderful place?  But YOU let the crappy stuff affect you so negatively that it is making you ill?  

(More silent pausing)

So what if you just release this anger and fear, but keep the passion.  Why can't you be passionate without anger and fear?

If I don't get angry then I become apathetic.  If I just live my life happily it looks like I don't care about what is going on around me.  Then I have let those people, institutions and political parties win.  

You have let them win already.  Whenever someone/something makes you feel this kind of fear, they have won control over you.  Isn't that what you always tell your Littles about bullies?

Yes.  Yes it is.  Crap! I have been letting these things/people win. 


Ok.  I'm done talking to myself now.  I think I get it.  I can still feel passionate about the injustice and fear mongering and intolerance that I see going on around me.  I just don't have to let it into my heart and soul.  I can hold a space of Love to surround all this crap.  And if more people can do that, things could change.  I can feel deeply passionate about something and not let it turn me into an angry, fearful mess.

Just so were're clear here.  I'm not saying that we should not feel anger.  Anger can be a great catalyst for change.  What I'm saying is that I don't have to automatically let that anger turn into paralyzing fear.  If someone were to come up to me and start a conversation about how marriage should be between one man and one woman, I would not walk away from that conversation.  I would very much explain that I think that that is a crock of shit.  (Oops!  There's that paralyzing fear again.)  I would very much explain that I believe that we all deserve to Love and marry whomever we choose as our life partner.  

This is not going to be easy.  I'm sure that I will still feel my anger in my body.  I mean, honestly, it takes me awhile to break old habits.  But I'm going to be diligent about this.  I deserve to be free of intense anger and fear.  My family and friends, and dare I say the whole world, deserve to be free of my intense anger and fear.

So who's with me here?  Who's ready to let anger be gone?  Let's spread Love around freely instead of fear.