Tuesday, May 31, 2011

15 minutes to live

I can't believe that I am doing this, but I have signed up for the #Trust30 writing challenge.  #Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. You can see the details here.

So here I am on Day 1.

The Prompt

Gwen Bell - 15 Minutes to Live

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.

2. Write the story that has to be written.

Here I sit, with a mere 15 minutes to live.  15 short minutes to try to express a life-time of gratitude and love to all those that touched my life.  My heart is filled with Love for every single person I have come in contact with in my lifetime.  Yes, everyone.  Even that snobby freshman year roommate I had in college.  Even my first true love who left me for another who made his heart shine more than I did.  All of the contacts that I have had with people in this lifetime sit with me in these 15 minutes.  They remind of the joy, pain and sorrow that have molded me into who I am today. 

I feel so much gratitude for having been given the life that I have.  I will leave behind 1 adoring man, 6 beautiful children, 1 amazing daughter-in-law, 1 perfect grandbaby and countless friends.  I also leave behind 5 siblings, whom I love dearly and have always loved dearly.  I have not been able to express this love with my siblings very freely, but this love has always been true and big. 

My struggles have been many.  Mistakes have been made along the path, but I would change nothing.  Not one thing.  I know that life happens to all of us exactly the way it is meant to happen.  I believe that I have made all the choices I have made because those were the events that had to happen.  Every consequence that I had to face was crucial to helping me become the person I am today.  This last day of my life.

I need all of the people in my life to know that I loved my life and that I loved my chance to know each and every one of you.  I want to send you all this message.  Live your life to the fullest.  Don't doubt your inner guidance for a minute.  You can be all that you want to be.  Even if the whole world around you yells that you have to change.  You don't have to change.  You have to be you.  You get to chose how to live this life.  You get to learn from the good and the bad. 

Love with all your heart.  Don't regret anything.  Just do things differently if need be.  Let your light shine bright for all to see.  Keeping it dim will only leave you wondering what could have been.  My short 44 years on this earth have been well spent.  They have brought me to this place where I need to be.  I am happy, joyous and free.  Make sure that you are all of those things every day, because you never know when you will have 15 minutes to live. 

My last minute is here.  I love you, I honor you and I will be with you whenever you need me.  Keep it shiny!!

Just my thoughts.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Transformation and solitude

So I can't believe its been almost 3 weeks since my last post.  I've been experiencing a whole lot of change since then.  Healing in leaps and bounds spiritually and emotionally.  I have gone from feeling like an empty shell to feeling so full of Light and Life that I usually feel like I'm going to burst.  How's that for transformation?

How did I get here?  That story is coming, but just not today.  Let me just say that I have been transformed and I am still going through this transformation.  I have been handed a new life and getting used to living it has been so exhilarating.  Its amazing to me how when you're ready the heart opens to reveal so much beauty and joy.  And, yes, I do believe that you have to be ready to receive this.  I also believe that I was not ready until now.

So here's where I am today.  I have been able to let go of most of the fears that I was holding on to.  I have been able to release any shame and guilt that was buried within me.  I openly embrace that all that I need is already within me.  I am good enough just the way that I am. 

This healing came to me quite rapidly.  I had some help from a fabulous transformational healer and a fabulous massage therapist.  I met with both of them in the same week and the results were amazing.  (Again, I will go into detail about this at a later time.)

So for the next couple of weeks, I found myself learning how to live again.  Learning how to handle ALL the energy and feelings that were overpowering to me.  Let me tell you, I have learned some awesome techniques for grounding myself.  (That will be a blog post coming up, too.)  I was also called to process all of this on my own.  I had to learn how to live again in solitude.  I had to keep to myself and not allow any outside influence or opinion in.  So I went within the best that I could.

Do you know how hard it is to go within and be solitary in a house with 8 other people?  Not an easy task.  Not to mention that during this time of solitude 4 of the Littles became sick and needed their mama.  Even through all of the everyday distractions, I found pockets of time to steal away and just be by myself.  I learned how to listen to my Spirit while driving the Littles to school.  I learned that going within for guidance is the only way to get answers and find peace.

I've always believed that the Divine lives inside of my Spirit.  I have not always believed that I deserved to feel this Divine Guidance.  Today I believe and I know that I am deserving.  I smile.  I laugh at little silly things.  I hold my Littles a little longer and I feel a warmth in my soul that didn't seem to be there before.  I am drawn to nature even more than I was before.  Mother Earth is even more a part of my spirituality.  God is more a part of my spirituality.  Mother Mary is more a part of my spirituality.  I've always considered my spirituality to be like a big quilt, but it seemed like an unfinished quilt.  Like a project that I had started a few years ago, but put it away because it was getting too hard.  I've taken that quilt out and am completing it more and more each day.

I know that through discussing this transformation some people will feel uncomfortable.  I may lose some friends.  People who I was just beginning to get to know, may decide that we are just not on the same path. It is something that I am willing to risk.  I need to be authentic and honest with who I am and how healing happens for me.  Its what I do.  How can I encourage others to heal if I myself can not be honest with where I am on this path?

My Reiki even feels different.  I honestly never used to feel much intuitively or physically when giving or receiving Reiki.  Now I am learning to be aware of all the physical sensations and mental images that I receive while doing Reiki.  My Reiki practice is transforming right along with me.  I feel even more determined to help guide others in their healing journey and even though I am struggling with reaching prospective clients, I know that in good time I will be able to be of service to more and more people.

My life feels big today.  Grander than grand.  I am who I am and I know that as long as I stay true to this person I will continue to move forward and I'll be able to touch more lives in a positive way.  I'm so grateful for all of you who follow this blog and have been so supportive while I've been on this journey.  I feel your energy and it has helped carry me through.  Thank you.

Just my thoughts.