Sunday, March 2, 2008

One of my babies celebrates a birthday!!!!

Today marks the 16th anniversary of the birth of my oldest son, Zach. As I look back on his birth I am really able to feel the intense love I had for him on the day he was born. He was a precious little (7 lbs 5 ounces) creation. His short time on this earth has not been easy. He has had struggles that no one should have to deal with, but that many do. An emotionally distant mother for most of his childhood, mom and dad never married, below poverty living, getting used to a step-dad, struggles with fitting in at school, overdose a few years ago which lead to some time spent in a juvenile mental health ward. Through all of this he has become quite the young man. I know that he still struggles, but he is an old soul and seems like he is 16 going on 40. He has such passion for things. He is a gifted musician. When he plays the guitar for me I see the light that it gives him. And it is a gift that he gives me as well. I feel so proud of his ability and determination to be the best musician he can be. If everyone could put so much into what they feel is their passion the world would be a better place.

So, thank you Zach. For making my world a better place and showing me that I need to find my passion.

Just my thoughts.


Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I have one really big character defect. It is my friend procrastination. I am a professional procrastinator. Too bad I can't make a real living with it. Why do I put off all that I need to do? I suppose I could say that I am ADD. I could say that I am lazy. What it really boils down to is that I am afraid to do what needs to be done. If I tackle all of the work I have to do then what would I do with my time? I am a perfectionist. This paralyzes me. I spin my wheels because I don't know where to begin. I sound pretty bad off. Really, I'm not. I accept my procrastination. I embrace it as a part of me. That being said, I realize that I still need to get things done. So "babysteps" is my mantra today. Small little pockets of time spent accomplishing anything I can. So I am off to babystep my way through my day. I wonder if I'll get anything done?

Just checking back. No, I have not gotten anything done. I have been sitting on the computer most of the day. The kids are out here with me and we are having pajama day. I have opted to get dressed because I think it will help me get something done. (I can dream, can't I?) So here I am feeling lazy and guilty. And I have to say that I also feel extremely BORED. Time to get moving. Time to set my timer for 15 minutes and just do something. Anything. I'll start with folding some laundry. Here goes nothing.

Well, today was a wash. I didn't get anything done. I definitely am in a funk. Tomorrow is another day. I can do better. I can do better. Must go deal with screaming, tired children.

Just my thoughts.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Stepping out of my comfort zone.

I am doing something new for me. I'm putting my thoughts out there for all (or no one) to see. I feel compelled to explore my mind. I'm a mother, wife, sister, friend. All of these roles make me a collective person. My intention is to explore all of "me" and learn of who I am. This is also stepping out of my comfort zone. I am anxious to meet this person that I am. I hope that we can become friends.

Just my thoughts.