Monday, January 17, 2011
I tried to keep my chin up. I took care of myself and repeated to myself that "this too shall pass". It didn't. I got sicker. I got crankier. Being physically exhausted gave way to emotional exhaustion as well. I gave up. I quite trying to feel better. I put my chin down and sulked. I stopped doing my daily Reiki self-healings. I chose to get comfortable with feeling crappy and I continued to feel crappy. Imagine that.
Then the negative self-talk reared its razor-sharp tongue. I started spending way too much time inside my head. Let me tell you, there are times when that can be a pretty scary place to be. Suddenly I was not just feeling ill, I was a bad mother, bad wife, lousy friend, terrible Reiki practitioner, lazy bum and a number of other ridiculous untruths. I didn't deserve to be healthy, I didn't deserve my family or friends and I certainly didn't deserve to have a Reiki practice. I was gettin' my 'whine' on pretty damn good.
As a matter of fact, I was still partying pretty heavy this morning. Until the tears started to flow. I had felt teary a couple of times over the last 2 weeks, but I always pushed those tears back. Well the dam broke this morning and I couldn't even stop the tears if I wanted to. I didn't want to. I knew in my heart that I needed these tears. I needed to loosen up all the yuck that I been building up for the past 2 weeks. It wasn't Mucinex or Nyquil that I needed, it was a good cry.
As the tears fell I felt all the 'whines' that I was hoarding begin to loosen their grip. I loosened up the negative labels I had attached to myself. I loosened up the insecurities and the fears about being a Reiki practitioner I had begun to convince myself of. I loosened up the resentments I held against people close to me. I say loosened because I don't know that I have completely released these things, but I definitely feel that they are not weighing me down like they had been. My cough and sinus pressure has decreased significantly as well.
Coincidence? I think not. I think that my spirit just got tired of being told to go sit down and wait for the party to be over. My spirit knew that the party was getting out of hand and needed to be busted up. So I've stopped the whining and let my spirit lead me back to a safe place. The place within my heart where the self-talk is gentle and kind. Where I can open my mind to all the good that exists for me. I feel peace here within.
Physically, I still feel somewhat weakened. Emotionally, I feel refreshed and renewed. A bit embarrassed that I carried on for so long, but ready to let all of the 'whining' go. Yeah, I got my whine on pretty good. I can whine with the best of them, but I can also choose to be done. I can choose to move forward and let go of the emotions that had gotten wedged inside my body. It feels good to let it all out.
Now I get to clean up the mess. The mess of a house I have now. The laundry that is piled high. The groceries that need to be bought. And I might even take down our Christmas decorations tonight. Those are the consequences of gettin' my whine on for too long.
So remember the next time you feel some tears coming on to let them fall. Let them fall freely and wash away the yuck that is trying to gather strength. You'll feel better sooner.
Just my thoughts.
Posted by Jill at 6:31 PM
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
I didn't know till this morning what my word for 2011 was to be. I pondered the last few days, but nothing ever really spoke to me. This morning while I spent some time self-healing with Reiki the word 'open' kept coming into my mind. It resonated with me and I knew that that was the word. I knew exactly what it meant. It meant living more open-hearted, being more open-minded, and having my eyes wide open to all the beauty that surrounds me each day.
I want to be more open. When I'm living openly, I am able to truly see and feel the Love and Beauty that is there. I am able to express myself and not feel like I am wrong or fake. Its not always easy for me to open up my mind and my heart. I often close my mind to new possibilities. I can push others away that are not like-minded. I can be guarded and extremely particular with when and who I share my heart with.
Sadly, the people in my life who don't always get my open-heart are my family. My Littles, my Mr. Man and my siblings. I manage to keep them at a distance. This 2011, as I bring 'open' into my life, I have hope that I will open my heart up more to those closest to me. I have hope that I will be able to take in the Love that is given to me and give it back in return.
Yes, 'Open' is definitely the word for me. With an open mind I will try more things, be more fearless, permit myself to move forward in my business and allow my creative side to finally have a say. With an open mind I can put the negative side of being judgemental to rest. I can allow others to be who they are and not disregard them simply because they don't believe what I believe.
Yep, its going to be a good year. I have so much to be grateful for. 2010 was an amazing year of healing and abundance for me. I know that 2011 will be filled with the same things. There will be ups and downs. There will be tears of joy and tears of sorrow. With 'Open' lighting my path I will know that, through all things, I will be fine. I can allow change and growth and healing to happen.
As I bring 'Open' into my everyday I will be able to really feel the gratitude. I will be able to grow and bloom and shine. Which reminds me of the mantra that a dear friend gave me almost a year ago.
I open. I focus. I desire. I flower.
Did you pick a word? Please share it. Let it out so that your word can work its magic. Happiest New Year. May your 2011 be filled with Love and Joy.
Just my thoughts.
Posted by Jill at 12:14 PM