Friday, August 14, 2009

Good times

Mr. Man & I just took the 4 youngest away for a couple of days to a waterpark nearby. It was a short stay, but it was perfect. As the parents, we had many moments of fun and silliness. We also had a few moments of frustration that comes when you have 4 wound up little people in a hotel room. What I found interesting was that I was able to recognize that they were only acting so wild because they were so excited about staying in a hotel and going to the waterpark the next day. The reason that this is interesting is because I have never been one to look for the underlying cause of obnoxious behavior in the past. What usually happened was me getting mad because my peace was being disturbed, or me feeling embarrassed by my kids high noise level. It was never about what they were dealing with, but rather what I was going through.

I also let Mr. Man be a parent. I didn't try to control what he said or did. I didn't tell him he was wrong to be grouchy the few times he was. I just sat back and watched him with his children. He had so much fun going down the water slides with the boys. I have no idea how many times they climbed up those stairs with their tube, but they were always shining so brightly. If you knew my husband you would know that he was definitely letting his hair down and just going with the flow. He didn't even want to go down the water tubes at first. It was sweet to witness his transformation into that little boy that resides in him. I am so relieved that I didn't step in the way and try to micro manage his fun as I have always done in the past. Being a control freak is hard work and I am happy that that part of me seems to have gone on an extended vacation.

I don't usually spend a lot of time rehashing past behavior these days. I really feel that the past is over and it needs to be put to rest. I look back every now and then just so I can see the progress that I have made over these last few months. My past used to loom over me like a dark cloud. It used to be a constant reminder of how sad of a life I felt I had. I stayed stuck in the past so that I would not have to look at my true self. I kept myself there because of fear. Being free of that control has truly opened my eyes and my heart to this wonderful life that I have.

This summer has been a good summer. Other than our little mini-vacation we just returned from, we haven't really done a whole lot of exciting things. Like so many others we are feeling the effects of the current economy. I have no regrets. I have had a ton of fun living in uninhibited silliness with the littles. It really feels like the first summer I have had with at least 5 of my 6 kids. I have relished this time and will be a little sad when school starts. I know that we will continue to be silly. That will not change, but I will have to compete with a schedule now. We will have to be up by a certain time and we'll have to have time to do homework. As I acknowledge this, I am once again amazed that I am at peace with it. I am not filling with resentment about having to change my schedule for the kids. I really was quite the selfish mama in the past. I say this with no negativity. I do not feel guilty about it, it is just a part of who I was.

As the end of our summer winds down I will continue to look for simple pleasures to share with my kids. My oldest child has not seen the side of me that the others have witnessed this summer. She is living a separate life right now and there is a definite distance there. We will connect again when she is done with whatever she feels she needs to do right now. I will be here for her when she comes back. I will let her learn whatever lessons she needs to learn, and if she choses to learn nothing then so be it. We will get to know each other again and there will be good times for us also. I look forward to that day.

Have you had good times this summer? Share with me. Give me some ideas of how I could close out this summer of good times.

Just my thoughts.


Sharmila said...

This blog really made me smile! I can't really say why, but you are living your truth, and I love reading of mr. man and the littles and its just beautiful! :) Namaste blessings to you! :) Jen/Sharmila

mamaof6 said...

Jen - I'm so glad that you visited my blog and left a thought here. Thank you.

Stark Raving Zen said...

I have an idea! You could close out the summer by having a 'little black dress / tiara party'. Oh wait... that was YOUR idea. But still a good ending to a raucous season. :)

mermaid said...

Jill, you are such a warrior. It takes so much courage to admit that you micromanage, and that when you can let it go, you see how your husband is so much more than you give him credit for. I can so relate. And I only have one child!

With respect to the activities, I'm also learning to let go of the way things should be, and the way things are. Maybe the water park was your one summer vacation. But if it brought smiles to all faces, it was enough.

I often think of how things should be different, but alas, I can also cultivate so much gratitude for all that already is.

May you continue to savor the moments of freedom. Local parks, any kind of water play (balloon fights in the backyard), library trips, etc. Whatever you do or did this summer, you were there. Perhaps presence is more important than the actual activity.

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord said...

I love this, and was happier for having read it!

The way you talked about just letting people be - your kids, your husband, and even yourself. Such a sense of peace with all of it, and I have to thank you, because when you're peaceful you add to my peace, and ultimately to world peace.

It's been such an honor witnessing you in the last two months. My gosh... such a huge honor!

Blessings and joy!

mamaof6 said...

SRZ - I am so excited about little black dress night. I better get planning.

Mermaid - I guess I've never thought of myself as a warrior, but I find myself really liking the idea. You are so right that being present is more important than the activity. Thank you for your thoughts.

Megan - Thank you so much for your kind words. Even though I write these thoughts for my own benefit, I do hope that what I share here is helpful to others also. Knowing that it touches you is good enough for me.

Caroline said...

Such a great honest. I am finally beginning to react less and try to understand the underlying reasons for crazy behavior. It's not easy for sure! You are a wonderful Mom and an inspiration to me!

Joy Discovered said...

Wow, this is my first visit and I'm taken aback! You are a wonderful writer! You share your life and your thoughts so honestly. Good for you for the way you held back and let your husband be the authentic parent that he is--goodness, I know that impulse of wanting to step in! Enjoy the rest of your summer!