Sunday, September 27, 2009

Embrace this pain, and it will not linger.



I live a blessed life. I believe that all of our lives are blessed if we are open to receiving such blessings. I am open to this type of life, but I still have pains that I have to live with. I still have everyday ups and downs. Today is one of those down days. If I am to be honest, and I am, I would have to say that I have been moving into this down time for several days now.

Accepting the departure of my dear baby sister has been hard. She is leaving tomorrow and I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest. I am in great physical pain in the form of headache and lower back pain. Not just dull pain, but absolutely debilitating pain. Yet I am up and moving through my day carrying the pain with me. All of it. Physical and emotional. I would love to curl up into a ball and lay in a dark room, but my loving spirit says no. "Live your life. Embrace this pain, and it will not linger." Those are the words I am hearing today. So the tears are falling freely right now. Later today I have to take Little #4 to his baseball game and I will muster up the strength to sit in the stands and cheer him on. So I allow myself to feel all of this pain any chance I can.

One of my favorite bloggers at Quest For Balance talks about winters of the heart today. You can read about it here.

I am most definitely in a winter of the heart right now. It is right where I need to be. I know that I live a joyful, free-spirited life. I have many beautiful people in my life and am very grateful for them. Today, however, I am in a deep winter and feeling very alone. This is where I NEED to be. The sun will come back and soon I will be basking in its light and warmth. Just not today.

Just my thoughts.

13 comments:

Daphne said...

This is a beautiful and accepting post. Good for you for embracing where you are instead of fighting it or hiding from it. We are indeed stronger if we open ourselves to what we are feeling. Your faith is so strong. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

mercedes said...

Just, siiiiigh.
I can completely empathize.

Jay Schryer said...

Just as I told Lisis, I tell you that the Winters of the Heart come, and they go, but that the fires of love and friendship keep us warm and help us endure them. You have a lot of love, and a lot of friends that will help keep you warm dear one. That's what we're here for. :)

Nina P. said...

Pain is there to remind us that we are alive in the darkness of our thoughts and fears. Pain can swallow us or it can move us beyond what we think we are capable of. You my friend are in the midst of a storm in life. Clouds and rain may be pouring down in your heart, but there is a rainbow around the bend. The Light will shine again, and pain will give way to a warmth of spirit, of memories and new growth, new strength, new Hope.
Saying good bye is never easy, yet we say it with every breath, we inhale Hello, and exhale goodbye.

Rest in the shadows today my friend for above the shadows there is ever present, ever waiting Light for you. Blessings to you and yours. Love and Light, Nina P

septembermom said...

You will get through this my dear friend. Sometimes it is a pain that has to be endured in order to blossom again. So often I feel your posts are like poetry. Beautifully real and soul searching.

Jan said...

Holding you in heart, thought, and prayer during this time of transition, Jill. Goodbyes often bring us to winters or desert times. And, yes, there are seasons to our soul life and it is pointless to resist them. They have powerful lessons to teach. May you hold yourself tenderly. May the voice of compassion whisper you home....

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord said...

I've been right there with you, too, Jill. For the past nine days, probably, I felt my energy slipping. Slowly at first and then bottoming out late last week. Like you, I finally just embraced it and knew that in doing so, it couldn't linger. I love how you said that, and as of yesterday and today have felt the truth of those words.

You're not alone. Those of us on a spiritual path of self-discovery have our amazing days, and our down days. As Lisis pointed out, the pendulum swings back and forth, in a very balanced, rightful way.

Love to you always.

mermaid said...

It sounds like you are being with the pain as best you can. It's never fun, and you express it with such humbleness. It's especially hard when you want to just cry in a dark room but need to be present for the young ones. I hope you had some time, even just a few minutes to hug yourself.

Here's one big cyberhug.

shiny mamaof6 said...

Daphne - Thank you for leaving a thought here. I have come a long way when it comes to embracing instead of fighting. I definitely feel like a much stronger person.

Mercedes - Empathy is like a warm hug to me. Thank you.

Jay - I appreciate the friendships that I have gained through this blog. I hope that you know that there is a never-ending supply of support to keep you warm in return.

Nina - My heart is patiently waiting for the Light to return. It gets a little brighter with each passing day. Thank you for your beautiful and hope-filled message.

shiny mamaof6 said...

Septembermom - I find so much comfort in knowing that what I am sharing here is touches your soul. It makes the winter feel that much warmer.

Jan - Your comment filled my heart with hope and strength. I do feel that I am on a slow journey back home and this voice of compassion really is leading me there.

Megan - Yes, this spiritual path of self-discovery is a mix of good days and not-so-good ones. I am so grateful that I have friends like you to share this with and who know what I am experiencing. I hope that your days only get brighter my friend.

Mermaid - I have been embracing myself lovingly and I have been feeling the energy of all the cyberhugs that I have received these last few days. Crying in the dark doesn't seem to be what my soul is calling for anymore. Thank you for being you and for sharing here.

Tess The Bold Life said...

I'm sending love and blessings your way. I understand the deep pain of losing a sisterin any way.

You are wise to listen to your heart. Breathe on!

shiny mamaof6 said...

Thank you, Tess. I truly appreciate all the empathy and comfort that I receive.

Stark Raving Zen said...

Ugh. In a way, I'm thankful that I didn't have the ability to read this until today. Physically extracting myself from you was difficult enough. To have read this would have made it all the more difficult. That being said, we are still in every way, spiritually connected, together, always. I love you very much.