Saturday, July 25, 2009

Gone in a flash

So I sat down today to write a potentially awesome blog about what it means to me to be a shiny person. I have been feeling incredibly shiny these last few weeks and really wanted to try to share that.

Then I heard the commotion in the bathroom. The sink was clogged, the toilet was clogged and Little #6 was in the tub having a 'lets see how much water I can splash on the floor' contest.

As I attempted to unclog the toilet with the plunger, I was splashed in the face. All of my shiny energy was gone in a shiny flash. Replaced with an abundance of frustration and plain old anger. Little #6 heard mommy say some not so shiny words. Cleaning the bathroom did NOT bring me back to shinyville. I became more and more frustrated and resentful. Of course, in the height of my frustration, every one of the littles suddenly needed something. All I really wanted to do was scream. I think I'll do it now. AAARRRGGGGGG!!!!!! (Deep breath) Ok. I feel a little better.

How can I go from a state of joyfulness and peace to anger and darkness so quickly? For crying out loud, I just changed my Twitter username to shiny_me. I was just going to start pouring my heart out about how joyful and at peace I was. I am seeing some humor in this. I think I'm getting a little Divine Guidance here.

This is my wake up call that I have some inner work to do. It is time to go within and see what has happened. Am I not being true to myself in some aspect? Am I once again pretending that all in well when maybe it is not? These are hard questions, but I am guided to ask them so that I can once again shine brightly. I have had my spirit in captivity most of my life. I do not want to do that any longer, so I have to continue to give my spirit a voice. I have a feisty spirit. She does not like to be stifled. So I am going to listen for awhile. I'm going to wrap myself in trust. I am going to allow that voice to say what it needs to say.

As I was writing this I looked out my window and saw my friend, the gray catbird, that has been following me around lately. I really try to listen to nature and hear what it is trying to tell me. So I looked up what the catbird totem is.

What I found was very interesting. It symbolizes language and communication. The appearance of the catbird can mean you will be encountering a wider range of people than you are normally in contact with. It can also mean that I should look for new people coming into my life that will teach me lessons in my ability to communicate.

I am very open to lessons on my ability to communicate. Maybe these lessons will come from within or maybe from another blogger or maybe from my littles. I don't know yet, but I will know when the lesson is offered.

One more thing about the catbird. Its presence should caution you to be extra careful about what you say and to whom. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't be posting this? lol

Just my thoughts.


septembermom said...

I can understand that quick switch in moods. You are a very open person apparently who believes in the importance of communication and empathy. I'm sure that your "shiny" most of the time. I haven't been too "shiny" this week. At least, today is another day! As I write this, I think of the little cardinal that will pop up on my deck often when I'm having a stressful moment with the kids. Little feather friends help us sometimes, don't they?

Caroline said...

Please read my post today at my other blog. Be sure to read the comments too...

I can realate 100% You are not alone!

Nina P. said...

Thank you for your Wonderful post, sharing your honesty and final perceptions and growth.
They say anger is one of the strongest basic emotions. Being human, is hard. We have all these emotions and “things” we keep bottled up inside. Children need our guidance, love and support, and yes, can test our very last nerve to breaking point! However at the very last fray, Breath deep… in…out… Ok I can do this… I am not alone with this…. ….in…out….We are not alone with this….. In…out…………
Dark tunnels come all too often even in the midst of our shinny times… yet… look ahead… there’s a small glimmering Light! As you keep moving, breathing, the tunnel shortens and the Light gets Brighter and Shinier! And after all the frustrations and yes anger, the Light is there again, bright and shinny …. The lesson is learning how to accept the moment for what it is, a moment,. Let go of the anger and negativity, and learn handle the immediate need of situations and then look back and laugh at some situations, Like, um that water scene… frustrating as all get out during it all, but, dare I say, as you look back… hmm .. Well, maybe you were being taped for some “Funniest home video?” show or something. …

Life Is what it Is. We can learn to change our perceptions and actions/reactions to events and situations…. Time and experience are the best teachers… Breath Life today, Breath Forgiveness today, Breath laughter today… Breath Bright and Shinny today!!!! Love and Light, Nina P.

Zeenat{Positive Provocations} said...

Wow jill, i have only 1 little 2 yr old i am going mad...i cant even begin to imagine how you must be handling it all. Hats off to you my dear.
But my teqniqe that works wonders is deep breathing. Nothing else will soon as i find myself getting angry i think to myself cool it cool it....then 5 deep breaths and walah..I am 50%calmer. But i have mastered this after 1 yr of good luck to you too...Happy thoughts my dear happy will always be kids...and we on the other hand..are another issue alltogether...:)
Check out my new blog post- Wants vs Needs. You might like it.

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord said...

I like what Nina P. said and relate to it on many levels. I'm affectionately known as "JoyGirl!" but there are days when there's no joy in Joyville... During this past winter, there were weeks, seemingly. I've learned not to judge the good or the bad. As Nina said, our moods come in waves and our job is to accept them all.

Oddly enough, a couple weeks ago I was having the best day, and then the toilet on the second floor overflowed and leaked into my downstairs bathroom. I had toilet water dripping through the light fixture, all over and onto my clean stuff... Oh there was not-so-joyful language being used that day!

It gave me pause though, just like you experienced. I watched my emotions change in an instant, and was humbled by it.

The next day was joyful again!

What a great process to go through and be witnessing, though. And I LOVE that you listen to your totems. Way to be!

suZen said...

My motherhood days and the flippin out of my "peace zone" totally and regularly would have qualified me to be the poster child for Prozac! I brought myself kicking and screaming to my meditations or journaling instead of the pills - it would get me thru it temporarily. Til the next incident. I've never witnessed a total calm peaceful mother of any age kids - except those on Prozac! - tho I held that image of wanting to BE that way for 20 years! And that image tortured me, taunted me and exposed my "failure" to be like that.

My hug of support is here for you. Enjoy your "moments" of calm and accept that you will not have a continuing flow of that til the kids leave home. And it is what it is.