Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A sad goodbye

It appears that one of our neighbors is having most of their trees removed today. So now I have to sit and listen to chain saws all day. Worse yet, I feel loss. Those trees have been there for the 12 years we have lived here. I have to say goodbye to the trees that I used to enjoy looking at. I am filled with sadness for the trees and for the birds and squirrels that lived there.

Ava explains it simply. She looked out the window and said "oh dear". As the large evergreen tree top came down a squirrel ran down the trunk. It darted from tree to tree as if it were confused and frightened. Not knowing where to go or what to do. My heart was filled with sadness. I felt that tiny forest animals fear and confusion.

I've felt those emotions many times before. There have been times in my life where I have been fearful and confused for no reason. I would become frustrated because I would have absolutely no reason to feel those things, yet there they were. Very real. I am beginning to understand that I was feeling another living creatures feelings. Of course there are times when what I am feeling is mine. Everyone experiences loss and pain, but for those times like today, I know that it is just heightened empathy.

I find myself wanting to explore this empathic ability. Is it an ability? I guess I don't know what to call it. Maybe it wouldn't affect me negatively if I understood it better?

The next time I'm out and about and suddenly feel nervous and/or sad I think I'll look around and see if I can find the cause. Maybe the young mother with the crying infant next to me in line needs a warm smile. Maybe one of my own children is silently suffering and needs a hug of light. Maybe the man in the car next to mine lost his job, can't find another one and is about to lose his house.

I will not be able to ease the pain of all those around me, but just being able to take the focus off of me and put it on to those around me is good enough. It will help me to see that helping others is going to benefit both of us. I don't need to feel sorry for myself. I don't need to feel sorry for others. I just need to do what I can to put a little light in the people and other living things that I am surrounded by.

Right now Ava is screaming (literally) for my attention. It's not always going to be so obvious. Or is it?

Just my thoughts.


1 comment:

Stark Raving Zen said...

Wow. Just wow. Beautiful.