Thursday, March 5, 2009

I get to choose

I have learned a lot about following your heart lately. I know that it sounds hokey. I've heard for years, through many different types of media, that we just need to follow our hearts. It never resonated with me because I did not think I knew what my heart wanted me to do. I didn't trust myself.

Most of my life I followed other people's hearts. I looked to others to define who I was and what I believed. I didn't trust myself. I didn't think that I knew what was right for me. I lived like this till January of 2009. That's when I broke free. I realized that the life I had been living was a lie. I wasn't following my heart. I finally believed that I got to choose who I was. It was like I was filled with a warm light.

I was excited about the possibilities. I chose to no longer be an addict of any kind. That's right. I chose to be free from addiction. I had to stop going to OA because it felt like a lie. Today I eat foods that were forbidden. I have had a glass of wine and a beer and didn't fall into the depths of hell that 12 steps groups promise will happen when you 'slip'. I didn't fall because its just food and drink. Nothing more. It holds no power over me. I am 50 lbs overweight. I am beautiful. Will I lose the weight again? Maybe, maybe not. The miracle is that I am not entombed by the number on a scale. I am free to eat as I choose. Most days I choose to eat in a healthy manner. Days like today I choose to overindulge some. Doesn't matter. It is just food.

It's been a couple of months now. I am going through some pretty intense changes. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. Some of these changes are pretty painful. I know that I am not alone. The world is changing along with me. So many others on this planet are making this same transformation. We are all evolving. Part of that evolution is following my heart. My heart knows the truth. My heart is where the Light is. When I don't follow my heart, fear takes over. A very wise and beautiful person in my life said it best. Love=Light, Fear=Dark.

I choose Light.

Just my thoughts


1 comment:

Stark Raving Zen said...

Most worthy of your gift received. Love=Light=Tree full of Cedar Waxwings. :)