Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Have you ever had the feeling that something big was about to happen? That's where I am today. Sitting here with all of this exciting energy radiating throughout my soul. It's not nervous dread. It's more like the anticipation of waking up on Christmas morning that a small child might have. Just pure joyful anticipation. I don't have any idea what is going to happen, but I'm sure it will happen within the next few weeks.

These last few days have lead up to this excitement. I'm not sure that I am prepared at this time to put to words what has happened to me, but I do want to say that it has been about revelations and complete surrender. I have learned more about myself in these last few days then I ever learned in all the 12 step meetings and therapy sessions I've attendedin the last 3 years. I can think of one thing that has brought me to this great revelation. That is trust. Pure trust and faith in who I am and in who I can be tomorrow. (I guess that's 2 things) Trust and faith in the Light within my heart that shines brightly so that I can just "be".

I have woken up from the dream I was living. Sometimes this dream was beautiful and other times is was a nightmare. I am finally awake. In the "now" as they say. I was asleep for a very long time. I was so deep in slumber that I have very few memories from my past. I have been getting bits and pieces here and there from old classmates and family. These snippets of my past are very valuable to me. I want to know all about myself and my childhood. I know that there were some awful times, but I am finding out about the beautiful ones too.

Now its all beautiful. Even the pain and frustration that I experience are beautiful. I experienced frustration today and I smiled and said thank you. I thanked the Universe for sending me screaming children and irritated older siblings who don't like screaming children. Did I feel better? The frustration remained, but the power attached to it was gone. So, yes I can say that I did feel better.

I hope that I can get to sleep tonight. I am just a bundle of energy that doesn't want to quit. I think that a lot of people are going through what I am going through and that many, many more will follow. Maybe that's what I'm anticipating. That people in my life are going to be waking up from their dream and being thankful for the good and the not so good.

Just my thoughts.


No comments: