Friday, August 27, 2010
August is hard for me
However, since beating myself up has lost its charm for me, I have gotten better at letting them go. It doesn't have the same effect it did 3 years ago. I gained 75 lbs that year. I was an emotional wreck, who was convinced that I had damaged my children by homeschooling them. The 2nd year I was pretty sure that I was damaging them by keeping them IN school. When 2 of them decided at Winter break that they did not want to return, I breathed a collective sigh of relief. I was getting my children back. I was sure that the other 2 would come to their senses before the summer was through.
Alas, the summer is winding down, and the other 2 are still excited about starting school next month. I am just as relieved as I am disappointed. I am happy that they are getting a good experience in school. I like that they will be happy to go. I am disappointed because it means a lot of driving for me and a lot of homework battles. I'm not going to go off on a rant about the evils of homework, but it is a very sore spot with me. That being said, I have been good about keeping my disappointment to myself. I don't share that with the Littles. Its not what they need to hear. I can be supportive and encouraging even though my heart is heavy.
So even though this month has not been good emotionally for me, it is not as dark as it has been the last 2. I am hopeful that the Littles in school will be happy there. If they decide that it is not working for them, they can come home just as their siblings did. I trust them to know what is working and what is not. I trust my connection with them, to know if they are struggling.
In a little less than 2 weeks, they will be off to school. Ironically, their first day is also my birthday. I guess I'll have to treat myself extra special this birthday to compensate for whatever pain I may experience that day. I'm looking forward to seeing how well I can spoil myself.
Just my thoughts.
Posted by Jill at 9:40 AM