Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Fear Cocoons

So, this picture seems very disturbing to me, but it portrays exactly what it feels like to live in a fear cocoon.  I tried watching the show Hoarders last night.  It stirred up so much emotional pain for me that I really couldn't watch much of it.  My heart went out to those people whos lives are being paraded in front of the masses.  I know that they agreed to do the show, but the pain, shame and guilt are still very obvious.

I think the reason that I got so emotionally pained by watching the show has a lot to do with my own 'hoarding' tendencies.  I am by no means living the way that they are.  I don't collect garbage, but I still have a lot of 'stuff' that I hold on to.  When I went through my decluttering back in August, I saw just how attached to stuff I was.  It was hard.  It was painful.  It was also freeing.  I didn't watch the end of the show, so I don't know if the people felt the freedom that I felt after my little bit of decluttering. 

I'm guessing that they did not feel freedom.  I'm guessing that they said they felt better, but really, they felt naked and scared and vulnerable.  People that hoard do if for a reason.  Not because they are lazy, or pigs.  Not because they learned it from their parents.  They do it for security.  They make themselves a protective cocoon of 'collections'.  They hold on to things because they don't feel they have anything else to keep them hidden.  Their lives are controlled by fear.  They turn that fear into one big cocoon.  A fear cocoon.

When my life was controlled by fear, I overate and I cluttered.  I hid behind my body and my 'stuff'.  I had my own fear cocoon.  I have released the fear, I have made my peace with food and I have released many of the personal belongings that I was hiding behind.  I still have work to do here.  I still have a lot of 'stuff' to release, but its different this time.  I'm not afraid of the task at hand.  I am not feeling vulnerable or shameful.  I have hope and love on my side this time.  I have the support of my Shining Spirit and the Divine.  That's all anyone really needs.  I know that I also have support from family and friends, but none of that support means anything, if I don't have support from within.

Before I turned Hoarders off, I reached out to them.  I sent out as much Love from my heart that I could.  I cried for them and embraced them.  I don't know if my little individual release of Love reached them, but I know that I had to do it.  For them, for me, for all those people out there that hide themselves in a fear cocoon of clutter and garbage.

I am blessed with the ability to now let go of the 'stuff' I have.  Today I plan to spend a little extra time in meditation and send that blessing out to the world.  Maybe you could help and send some strength and hope along with me. Thank you.

Just my thoughts.


Sandi Delia said...

You're right, Jill. This is a very disturbing picture. Loved the post. Especially the heart song you sent out to those who suffer from hoarding.

shiny mamaof6 said...

Thanks Sandi. Love you!

Jan said...

Oh, this notion of fear cacoons (and the picture you chose, WOW!) really speaks to our need for inner freedom. I am so glad that you are where you are right now, able to be more free and sending love to those who struggle. Truly, our attention to our own suffering helps us reach out to others who are stuck. And then it turns back upon us and fills us up too so we keep healing. Don't you just love how that works?

You are definitely a "minister" of love. :-) I so appreciate your posts.

Christine said...

I too was going to comment on the picture. Yikes! Almost zombie looking. :( I'm so glad to hear you've found that inner support! It sounds liberating. :)

Tess The Bold life said...

Wow good for you and another step in healing by sharing this!

The photo is very powerful and you did a powerful job of putting words to the photo. I have many family members that are hoarders and you gave me a glimpse of how they feel. I'm sending love with you...

shiny mamaof6 said...

Jan - I so appreciate your thoughts here. I feel like I am transforming into this "minister" of love that you mention. Thank you for being you.

Christine - It is a haunting picture. I hesitated using it, but it really captures the essence of what a fear cocoon can feel like. The good thing about cocoons is they are a gateway to becoming something beautiful. I feel like that is what has happened to me.

Tess - My heart goes out to your family members who suffer. I will definitely add them to my Love. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.

suZen said...

Hi Jill! That photo is so sad - it's as if the person is just a piece of clutter - talk about low self-esteem, eh?

Your compassion for those who hoard is wonderful and I will certainly join you in sending love to them. It's good energy to put out there!

I remember you writing about your decluttering projects last summer/fall. I'm going the opposite way of most seniors - everyone I know is saving stuff, for the kids, for the grandkids, and collecting things they like to look at. I have AmVets once a month hauling stuff out of here! ha! Clutter depresses me - won't have it here!

Anonymous said...

How sad. I am glad you shared this with us. Something we may shed Light upon.
I think Fear allows us all to hoard something whether that manifests as material possessions, a guarded heart/emotional detachment, friendships...whatever it is we use as a cocoon to shield us from pain is something we can hoard if we are not mindful.
You are right--once you release even a little, that is felt throughout every area in your life. Freedom is so peaceful....
Thank you for sharing:)

shiny mamaof6 said...

SuZen - Thank you for being so generous and joining me to send some Light to those who live in darkness. You are so sweet.

Joy - You say it so well, when you say "Freedom is so peaceful." That it is. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.