Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Humility is a gift
Tonight the Littles and I are going to have a movie watching marathon. They don't have school for four days and so we are staying up late and just having fun. As I sit here watching them watching some Disney Channel show I am amazed at the smiles on their faces. They are not just mindlessly staring at the tv, like I am warned that they will be if they watch too much tv. They are fully engaged in this particular movie. So I am attempting to watch tv like a child. I am attempting to do things like a child for the next four days. I have a tendency to get too serious and I think I come off gruff to my kids at times.
So I'll be putting myself out there to them and letting my hair down. This is actually going to be hard for me to do. I talk a lot about living joyfully, but it seems like lately I have been thinking joyfully, but not really living that way. In my mind, I'm having a blast. In real life, not so much. I still wonder what other parents will think of me. I wonder what my kids teachers think of me. I wonder what my own friends and family think of me. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.
I'm cheating myself. I'm keeping myself on a short leash. Not letting go completely. Even as I type this, I hear myself saying things like, "But you can't be joyful ALL the time." "You have to show the kids how a responsible adult behaves." "You don't want to embarrass Mr. Man by acting child-like."
Here's my free-spirited answers to these thoughts. Who says I can't be joyful ALL the time? If being a responsible adult means I can't live joyfully, then I guess I don't want to be a responsible adult, nor do I want to teach my children how to be one. I may embarrass Mr. Man sometime, but he'll survive and maybe even decide that a joyful life is worth the embarrassment.
All I know for sure is that lately I have been acting a lot like the kind of people that I tend to complain about. The parent who pushes their child to fit in. The busy body gossip that likes to hear what everyone else is up to. Passing judgement on those who judge others. All of this was brought to my attention a couple of days ago. I don't even know how I came to see this ugly truth about me. I guess it was just Divinely revealed to me. With the revelation came a big dose of humility. If you ever have the opportunity to get your hands on a dose of humility I highly recommend taking it. It was just what I needed.
I needed to see all of these truths about myself. I want to let go of the truths that don't serve me. Humility used to feel like humiliation. I used to feel that being humbled was a sign of weakness. I see now that humility is actually a blessing. Its a gift from the Divine to get me ever closer to being the free-spirited woman that I know that I am meant to be.
So I am looking forward to spending the next 4 days learning how to be the free-spirited person that I want to be from some people who already are. My Littles.
Just my thoughts.
Posted by Jill at 6:59 PM