Friday, May 18, 2012

Mothering my way

I have recently been dealing with doubts about my ability to mother properly.  Wishing I could start over and do things differently, but realizing that I probably wouldn't do things differently.  Feeling like a lazy, selfish mother who doesn't like being bothered by the needs of others.  Well, I remembered something today.  I remembered the struggles that Baby Little had to deal with when she came into this world.  I remembered how she was a "failure to thrive" baby and how the doctors told me, "This baby will never be able to nurse."  I remembered the months and months of perseverance, where I tried EVERYTHING to make nursing work for her.  How I was bound and determined to prove those doctors wrong.  (I still snicker to myself when I think of how the doctors were wrong and she nursed till she was 4.)  I remembered the months and months of crying and the miles of pacing I did with her. All this reminded me that I am not a lazy mother.  When the going gets tough, I step up and do what needs to be done.

I don't have to do everything and be everything for my children.  My undying love for them will carry them and lead them to be loving and caring as well.  I may not be a playful parent, but they know that my lack of playfulness has nothing to do with them.  It is just who I am.  I may not be the most affectionate parent, but they know that when they need me I am ready with open arms.

I acknowledge that my criticisms about my parenting have come from me.  There is no one in my life that has voiced an opinion on my parenting skills.  I am my worst critic.  I let go of all of the expectations that I brought into this life with me regarding mothering.  I am seeing myself as a mother today.  I am intelligent and caring enough to know what my children need.  I am confident and strong enough to know when society is blowing smoke in my face about what a "good" mother looks like.

I'm a mom everyday.  Have been for 24 years, 1 month and 4 days.  I think I've got this one.


Anonymous said...

Love the truthfulness of your post.. there is not right or wrong way to "mother" just the best way you can!!

Love you


angie said...

Your willingness to open up is so touching. I've been feeling much the same way (insert different shortcomings). You are so right, we do the best we can with what we have. And it is good enough.


Anonymous said...

Oh! It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only mom who feels lazy & selfish sometimes... especially when the other mom saying it is one I admire so much and who so clearly loves her children with a deep, abiding, fierce devotion. I think it's good to question ourselves, good to evaluate what we're doing; it's a big job after all. But we need to do so as you have done here, with a gentleness and an acknowledgment of our strengths as well as our areas for growth. What a lovely post.

Meg Sweetland-Baker said...

What SHE said!! I wish I'd had more so that I could repeat my mistakes.... hahaha