Saturday, May 14, 2011

Transformation and solitude

So I can't believe its been almost 3 weeks since my last post.  I've been experiencing a whole lot of change since then.  Healing in leaps and bounds spiritually and emotionally.  I have gone from feeling like an empty shell to feeling so full of Light and Life that I usually feel like I'm going to burst.  How's that for transformation?

How did I get here?  That story is coming, but just not today.  Let me just say that I have been transformed and I am still going through this transformation.  I have been handed a new life and getting used to living it has been so exhilarating.  Its amazing to me how when you're ready the heart opens to reveal so much beauty and joy.  And, yes, I do believe that you have to be ready to receive this.  I also believe that I was not ready until now.

So here's where I am today.  I have been able to let go of most of the fears that I was holding on to.  I have been able to release any shame and guilt that was buried within me.  I openly embrace that all that I need is already within me.  I am good enough just the way that I am. 

This healing came to me quite rapidly.  I had some help from a fabulous transformational healer and a fabulous massage therapist.  I met with both of them in the same week and the results were amazing.  (Again, I will go into detail about this at a later time.)

So for the next couple of weeks, I found myself learning how to live again.  Learning how to handle ALL the energy and feelings that were overpowering to me.  Let me tell you, I have learned some awesome techniques for grounding myself.  (That will be a blog post coming up, too.)  I was also called to process all of this on my own.  I had to learn how to live again in solitude.  I had to keep to myself and not allow any outside influence or opinion in.  So I went within the best that I could.

Do you know how hard it is to go within and be solitary in a house with 8 other people?  Not an easy task.  Not to mention that during this time of solitude 4 of the Littles became sick and needed their mama.  Even through all of the everyday distractions, I found pockets of time to steal away and just be by myself.  I learned how to listen to my Spirit while driving the Littles to school.  I learned that going within for guidance is the only way to get answers and find peace.

I've always believed that the Divine lives inside of my Spirit.  I have not always believed that I deserved to feel this Divine Guidance.  Today I believe and I know that I am deserving.  I smile.  I laugh at little silly things.  I hold my Littles a little longer and I feel a warmth in my soul that didn't seem to be there before.  I am drawn to nature even more than I was before.  Mother Earth is even more a part of my spirituality.  God is more a part of my spirituality.  Mother Mary is more a part of my spirituality.  I've always considered my spirituality to be like a big quilt, but it seemed like an unfinished quilt.  Like a project that I had started a few years ago, but put it away because it was getting too hard.  I've taken that quilt out and am completing it more and more each day.

I know that through discussing this transformation some people will feel uncomfortable.  I may lose some friends.  People who I was just beginning to get to know, may decide that we are just not on the same path. It is something that I am willing to risk.  I need to be authentic and honest with who I am and how healing happens for me.  Its what I do.  How can I encourage others to heal if I myself can not be honest with where I am on this path?

My Reiki even feels different.  I honestly never used to feel much intuitively or physically when giving or receiving Reiki.  Now I am learning to be aware of all the physical sensations and mental images that I receive while doing Reiki.  My Reiki practice is transforming right along with me.  I feel even more determined to help guide others in their healing journey and even though I am struggling with reaching prospective clients, I know that in good time I will be able to be of service to more and more people.

My life feels big today.  Grander than grand.  I am who I am and I know that as long as I stay true to this person I will continue to move forward and I'll be able to touch more lives in a positive way.  I'm so grateful for all of you who follow this blog and have been so supportive while I've been on this journey.  I feel your energy and it has helped carry me through.  Thank you.

Just my thoughts.


Luna said...

you are shining :~)
like lifing up the shades on the window of your soul... isn't it amazing :~)

keep singing.. I'm listening

Shiny Jill said...

June - Thank you for your words. I love this "like lifting up the shades on the window of your soul". So beautiful.

Angela Sweetland Bass said...

Loved reading this :) It is wonderful the moment you know you are ready, and it just all comes to you in a flood. Right there with you.

Love you