This post was hard to write. I think I started it over about a gazillion times. I'm feeling some hesitation about posting this because I'm not a writer. I may write, but I'm no writer. I often feel like I'm not getting across what I want to say or that I'm going to offend someone. But I am posting this because I know that for me to keep these thoughts to myself doesn't feel right. Maybe someone out there needs to read these words, or maybe I just need to get them out so that I can continue on this amazing healing journey that I am on.
I have recently been through an extremely powerful and life-changing event. To most people it would seem like simply a beautiful event, but to me it was 'knock my socks off' amazing.
On Monday of this week I had the honor of being present at a dear friends home birth. All of my Littles' births were in a hospital. I was also present at another friends birth at a hospital a few years ago, which was also a beautiful experience. I mean, lets admit it, any birth is a beautiful thing.
But this one was different. This birth experience felt like it was going to be powerful for all who were there. I can't speak for the others present, but for me it turned out to be truely life-changing.
The energy in that home was intense. I could feel it in my hands, in my feet and in the top of my head. To be honest I can still feel it. Tingling of the hands is common for me since I started doing Reiki, but this whole body sensation is new to me.
I can't begin to express in words how proud I am of my dear freind and how honored I am to know such a strong and courageous woman. I truly believe that anytime a woman goes through any kind of birth they are a hero. They are doing something that only they can do. All of the husbands and doulas and midwives and nurses and doctors and support people are simply there to help. Those mamas are there to do the hard work.
I watched this dear friend transform from fearful and uncertain to courageous and empowered. I looked into her eyes and said, "You can do this. You ARE doing this." and she nodded. The fear and the uncertainty had faded away because of all the support she had from her husband, the midwives and her friends. Through her hard work and determination a beautiful baby girl was born. As soon as that precious little mermaid made her way into this world the whole room filled with such an overwhelming energy of Pure Love. I know I'm not the only one who felt it, but it was something I had never experienced before. I know what you're thinking, "But, Jill, you had SIX babies! How can you say you've never felt that before?" I'll get to that.
I left her home a few hours later and, like I said, I'm still feeling the effects of that monumental event. I am sure that I have been witness to the perfect home birth. And by the tears of joy that mama and daddy shed, I think they thought it was pretty perfect as well.
So here's the life-changing part. Fast forward to today. Three days later. I'm still feeling giddy and tingly and just generally loopy. Kinda like I've got a good buzz on, but I haven't been drinking. I ended up straining my hip and leg, while helping during the birth. I was having a hard time with the pain, but hadn't taken time to take care of myself. In other words, the Reiki practitioner wasn't practicing on herself.
Wednesday, I decided to take the time and do a Reiki healing on myself. I just wanted to lessen the pain, but what I got was so much more. What I got was a total healing of the body, mind and spirit. I hesitate to explain how this happened, because I know that some people just don't connect with Reiki. So I'm going to just say that through the healing process I was able to reconcile the emotional pain that I experienced with each of my births.
I was able to feel this Pure Love that existed at each of my Littles' births, that I could not feel at the time of their births. I was in a different place back then. I was a guarded and insecure woman. I kept Love to myself. Only to dole it out at certain times. I definitely felt love for all of the precious souls that I gave birth to, but it was not the type of love that I feel today. It had to get through a wall that I had built up in my heart. This wall has slowly been crumbling over the last few years. I don't keep love to myself, but I also didn't share it as freely as it is meant to be shared. Today that thin veil has been removed. This Pure Love that I felt the moment that precious baby made her appearance, I still feel today.
It was there when all of my Littles were born. It is my belief that it is there when any new life is born. Whether is be human, animal or plant it doesn't matter. They all deliver this Pure Love into the world. I brought it when I was born, but I misplaced mine for a long time. As I slowly began my healing journey, I found bits and pieces of it. I feel today that I have fully recovered this Pure Love that I brought into this world.
What a beautiful world this would be if we could all remember that we are Pure Love. That there lies inside of us this Divine Light and from that Light comes Love. You don't have to create a new life to spread that Love. You just have to share what you already have inside of you.
Just my thoughts.