Friday, November 9, 2012

I Love You

"I love you." Three of the scariest words to say.  At least they always have been for me.  Maybe not scary, but definitely left me feeling awkward.  Even with my family.  I would say them out of a sense of duty.  Mostly uttering them only after they were said to me.

I'm not ready to have a big ole Love fest yet, but I feel so much more at ease with these three words these days.  I feel comfortable using them.  I say them to my Littles (the ones still living with me) and Mr. Man everyday.  Yes, every day.  I have done that for months.  Not years, months.  I came to the conclusion, on my own, that if I were to "feel the Love" more, I had to "be the Love" more.  So I set a goal to tell everyone I saw that I loved them.

Yeah, that didn't pan out.  I put myself in the shoes of a 13-year-old boy whose friend's mom just told him she loved him, and decided that that would not be a good idea.  So I chose to declare my love for my immediate family.  I have to admit that it felt awkward.  There were many days where I had to go into a child's room after they were in bed to tell them I loved them, because I almost forgot.  Now it comes naturally and I say it more than once a day.

And now I feel like I need to carry this out to extended family and friends.  I feel a need to open my heart wider and experience more of this thing called Love.  Do I share my Love with people who are not used to it?  Do I risk the chance of making them feel uncomfortable?  I don't want to be the reason for someone's discomfort.  Or do I?

My children have been telling me they love me for ever.  It made me feel uncomfortable at times.  I didn't feel uncomfortable because they loved me, but because I would have to say those three words back.  I would have to open up my heart a crack to eek out those words.  But thanks to my children and numerous other people in my life, I don't feel so uncomfortable now.

I have always known that I have Love in my heart.  It was the actual "feeling" that seemed to be foreign to me.  My last post was about anger.  I am very familiar with anger.  And since I have determined that I could let anger go, I have also determined that I can let Love in.  I can let the seed of Love blossom in my heart.

I get to chose how fast it grows.  I get to let it grow like weeds or let it slowly come to the surface.  It is all up to me.  I have been through a transformation over the last few months.  One that has been uncomfortable and anxiety inducing.  Anger and fear were winning.  I acknowledged that and said "No more!"

Love is the way.  Love is what is left standing when anger and fear are dissolved.  I have enough Love in my heart for everyone in my life.  Yes, everyone.  Even the people who are frightened by my beliefs. Even the people who refuse to speak to me. Even the people who will never Love me back.  I get to chose where my Love goes.

I can "feel" Love today.  I feel it in my heart.  It feels amazing to know that I am Love.  I was born filled with Love and I will have a never ending supply of Love for ever and ever and ever.  No one or no thing can ever take that away from me.  And no one or no thing can ever take it away from you.  You are Love, too.

I Love You!!

(Hey! That didn't even feel awkward.)


Keriann said...

I just LOVE your post. :o)

Jill said...

Thank you!! I just LOVE you!! :)