Saturday, November 14, 2009

Saying nothing at all

I seriously am having a hard time getting myself to sit down and blog lately. I have always looked forward to blogging. I have always come away from a post with a good feeling. Like I had just had the an awesome conversation with a good friend. This week, however, I have struggled with initiating this conversation. I haven't taken the time to analyze this and figure out why, because I just don't feel the need to. I'm sure I could come up with all sorts of philisophical reasons why I draw a blank when I sit down, but the truth is, I just don't have anything to say.

I want this blog to be real. I want this blog to be where my truest self can have a voice. I don't want this blog to be a place where I start to create stuff so that I can come off as some uber spiritually evolving wonder woman. I've been guilty of saying what I think people want to hear in the past. When I lost 120 lbs, I would often speak in front of groups of people. The words that came out of my mouth very rarely matched what my spirit was saying inside. I was just concerned with appearances then. I had to come off as the perfect 'skinny' person. I wasn't being made to do this by anyone other than myself.

So, on Wednesday, when I sat down to blog and I struggled with what to say I just walked away. I didn't walk away frustrated. I didn't walk away thinking that I have nothing to say that would interest anyone. I simply let myself have nothing to say. I guess I don't feel obligated to blog. I love the feeling of completeness that I have when I finish a post. Even the times when I am struggling in my life, I still walk away from my posts feeling like I said what needed to be said. I don't ever want to start putting out posts that are full of shiny, happy fluff or emotionally moving gibberish.

I need to keep it real. Even if keeping it real means not saying anything. This blog has been an amazing tool in helping me lift myself up out of the hell I was living in. It has been a safe place for me to get my thoughts out of my head and heart. I cherish the time that I spend here just as I cherish the time I spend with family and friends.

I love sharing my journey towards a shiny, happy life. I love sharing the pain that life throws my way also. I really appreciate all of the bloggers out there in the blogosphere who are also keeping it real. I have learned from all of you that it is ok to share my soul here and that it is also ok to say nothing at all.

Just my thoughts.

10 comments:

septembermom said...

It is o.k. to say nothing at all. Just "be". We all appreciate your genuine voice and your generosity of spirit. I also think of blogging as a conversation. I don't want my posts to feel forced. Sometimes it's better to just let the blog sit. I will always enjoy my visits to chat here with you. Have a great weekend!

Stark Raving Zen said...

Nothing wrong with taking a break to keep it fresh. Sometimes the right action is no action. I think when the blog becomes a burdon, it's time to shut it down for a few days. I've been there myself.

Sandi Delia said...

Jill,
Having nothing to say is a part of the creative process...just like the seasons, there is a time of abundance and a time of resting the fields. I like to think I'm a percolator - sometimes I'm giving off lots of steam, sometimes I'm unplugged and silent. I get in trouble when I don't acknowledge or honor the season I'm in.

It's Late Autumn...a time of sorting through what stays and what gets let go. Sounds like silence is perfect.

Love ya,
S

Joy said...

Well, as I read your post, I thought of the Alison Krauss song "When You Say Nothing at All" very calm and loving. Here is the first verse: "-It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart -Without saying a word you light up the dark - Try as I may I could never explain -What I hear when you don't say a thing".....
Sometimes saying nothing is a great tool and teaches us, your readers, lots.

Megan "JoyGirl!" Bord said...

Absolutely! Like you, I have times when I'm just not feeling it, and don't know what to say or how to say it. You've always come across as being genuine, and this post was no different. Thanks for being brave enough to tell us you haven't had much to say. That's very cool!
See, you just keep inspiring by being you. No guilt, no pity, no judgment... Just very, very real.

Chris Edgar said...

Thanks for this -- and I think what you say makes sense in everyday conversations with people as well -- there are moments where I used to be uncomfortable with "awkward pauses," and now if nothing comes to mind it's much easier and feels more real for me to just allow the silence to be.

suZen said...

Hey there - not to worry! I only blog regularly because I need the discipline to write consistently and made a deal with myself to just do it. Otherwise I am just sure I would not have anything motivating me to do it.

I celebrate your honesty! Do it when it feels right for you.

Jan said...

I hope you will always keep it real. This is what I appreciate about you. And some days we just need to give ourselves permission to walk away, to say no thank you, to do what serves our truest self.

And sometimes taking a break is very good. It gives us permission to not be so much to others. A good thing...

Be well!

Nina P. said...

There are times when the journey is just sitting back and taking in the view. Seeing what's around and assessing what's around. I know I've cut back on blogging as it is time consuming (however enjoyable time consuming) with work and other obligations, I don't always have the time I'd like. I try to post once a week and follow my blog friends posts at least once a week. I do miss everyone, but it's what I have to do for me, at least for now. Your post rings true for me. Life has a way of taking over sometimes... I'm learning to balance, breathe and bounce here and there on occasion (smiles). May you shine your Light on you today, back in its gentle glow and take in the beauty around you. May you find contentment, Hope, Love, Joy and Peace today and always. Love and Light, Nina P

miruspeg said...

You are a very inspiring person Jill and this blog is REAL!

I was also reminded of the Ronan Keating song "When you say nothing at all". Same song as Joy talked about but a different singer singing it.

Great post!
Hugs
Peggy