Tuesday, April 21, 2009


I have been living with a bully for a very long time.  I have been put down, scared, teased, laughed at and intimidated for decades.  There was even a form of physical abuse that I had to endure.  This bully also turned me into a bully of sorts.  With the exception of physical abuse, I did all of these to others in my life.  I'm not proud of that.  I am very grateful that I have not damaged all of my loved ones by my past behavior.

Yesterday I confronted this bully with the help of my sister and one kick-ass Apache spirit guide.  Mr. Bully isn't laughing at me anymore.  He has been put in his place.  I say "he" because it definitely felt like a masculine energy.  The bully has left the building and will not be invited back today.  I would say that this bully will never be invited back, but I really just need to focus on today.  Who was the bully?  I am not 100% sure, but it was definitely growing inside of me for many, many years.  The bully came to me with good intention.  As a child  I needed the protection that this energy offered, but something went wrong.  That child became enclosed too deep.  She couldn't get out from under this protection.  She was trapped and whenever she tried to be independent of the bully it would quickly put her back in her place.  She has been liberated!!  Yes, she was a part of me.  It was bittersweet letting her go.  She's flying now.  She's soaring.  She is seeing everything for the first time and she's loving it.  

Here's what I'm doing today.  I'm creating a new life for myself.  I'm not leaving this space I call home, but I am definitely making all things about me new.  This is no easy task.  I have a ton of work to do.  Mentally, physically and spiritually.  I'm up for the task.  The energy that fills me is no longer heavy and dark.  It's now airy and bright.  I'm soaring also.

Just my thoughts.  

1 comment:

Stark Raving Zen said...

He won't come back Jill. You outgrew him. :)