Doing nothing

Guess what I'm doing right now? NOTHING!!! Yup, I'm doing absolutely nothing. Just sitting down and not hurrying to get this post done, so that I can get back to work. I'm sitting in a peaceful, clutter-free living room. My to-do list is complete, the birthday party is behind me, the kitchen is clean, the littles are getting ready to settle down for the evening and I am just going to sit here and do NOTHING. Nothing has never felt so good.

I have a lot of experience with doing nothing. Most of my days this summer have been filled with doing nothing. It felt different then. Doing nothing used to leave me feeling guilty and sad at the end of the day. I hated doing nothing, but I knew no other way. I was not able to accomplish what I needed to do because I was paralyzed. All of the clutter and mess that surrounded me, kept me stuck. I was really good at avoiding responsibility. I hid behind the new found joy that I had begun to experience. I told myself that it was ok to do what ever I wanted to do. I told myself that my spirit had been held captive for so long that it was crucial that I only do what my spirit longed to do. Unfortunately what my spirit longed for and what I was actually doing were not the same thing. So the clutter stayed where it was and my new found joy slowly started to feel like anything, but joy.

When I finally started listening I was able to actually do something. I started with babysteps. Slowly the clutter was starting to disappear. Then something took me over and I was doing things that I have never been able to do in the past. I started something and I actually kept going and didn't quit. That was when my days of doing nothing ended. My spirit took over and I just kept moving forward even when I felt like I was losing a part of myself with every box I closed up. Now I know that I was actually gaining a part of myself with every box.

The to-do list is complete. I am proud of all that I have accomplished these last few weeks. I am thankful that I listened to my spirit and released the mountain of clutter that I had surrounding me. I am shining brighter once again. Mr. Man and the littles are also shining today.

My home is no longer controlled by "stuff". Don't get me wrong. I still have work to do. There are two rooms left in my home that are housing more "stuff". When I look at these two rooms my reaction is very different than it used to be. I am not filled with dread. I don't feel overwhelmed. I don't feel shame. I feel happy. I feel excited. Excited about the prospect of getting to let go of a little more.

But tonight, I do nothing. Tomorrow is the last day of summer break for the littles and I plan on doing nothing with them all day. I wonder what nothing will look like. I am getting my to-do list ready for tomorrow and it will have one task on it....NOTHING.

Just my thoughts.