I'm here sitting in the dark of the early morning with music playing softly in the background and a gazillion thoughts flying around in my head. I am on day 16 of the 28-day meditation challenge over at Awake is Good. Today I could not for the life of me get my thoughts to settle, which has been my experience for most of this challenge.
I sit down and take a few deep breaths. I put a smile on my face and I let the feeling of peace wash over me. Then my mind pounds on the door and invites itself in to sit with me. My mind has no manners. So I spend the next few moments trying to quietly get the jibber jabber to stop.
Today I decided to listen to my thoughts. I thought that maybe there was something that I was supposed to hear. Sure enough my thoughts were all around one central theme. This blog. I could not stop thinking about my blog. It was like my Spirit was saying, "Hello!! I've got things to say and you're not sharing them!!"
I haven't been posting like I want to. Life has been very busy since Little #3 & #5 have returned to homeschooling. I have neglected to figure out how this blog will fit into my week. Now here is where I ask myself a question. Have I really tried to find the time to blog? Hmmm... I'm not so sure I have. I have thought about it. I have had plenty of thoughts to share, but I have been resistant to sit down and share them. I also realize now, that I have stopped commenting on the blogs that I follow also. Another hmmm...... Why is that?
Why am I keeping my thoughts in my head again? Or more acurately, why am I keeping my Spirit quiet? I haven't done this for quite some time.
I can see now, that by shushing my thoughts, they become too big to ignore. They make meditation impossible for me. In order to quiet my mind, my mind can't be overflowing with thoughts that are meant to be shared.
Just getting this little bit out of my head has helped me to feel a bit better. I feel more at peace and calm. There is still much to be said, but it's time to get my day started. I may need to make my blog part of my daily meditation for awhile. So bear with me as I sort through the clutter that has accumulated in my mind. This may take awhile.
Just my thoughts.
9 comments:
Hey, Jill...
I completely agree with you, that it's important to get that endless stream of thoughts out of your head. The first two years I homeschooled Hunter, I mostly dumped my thoughts into journals. I found that worked very well because I could release them and be done with them.
Now they tend to go into blog posts, and comments, and tweets, and facebook updates, and emails... which always result in other people's thoughts being thrown in the mix... which gets me thinking again.
In some ways, my online venting strategy has back fired because now I have even MORE swirling around in my tiny, little head. It's interesting, and engaging, and often entertaining, but all of it keeps me from being fully present in our homeschooling THING.
You know?
I remember telling Hunter in our first few classes, "Now, I can tell you aren't really HERE with me, you aren't thinking about THIS. There's no sense wasting my time teaching you if you aren't going to pay attention and be present." (Maybe a bit much for a first grader, but true.)
Now it's ME who isn't fully present and engaged! Eeek! Not good, I tell 'ya, and something's gotta change. Homeschooling him is what is most important to me (I don't mean the academics, I mean making learning fun). Perhaps I need to start acting like it.
Where are those darned journals?!
;)
Lisis - I like the idea of journals and have even been thinking about starting up the practice of morning pages. Just not sure I can devote that much time to it. I agree with you of the importance of being fully present and engaged with the Littles in regards to homeschooling.
Your Hunter is a lucky little guy to have a mom dedicated to making sure that he sees the fun in learning.
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Hi Jill,
As I read your words today I was thinking I am also participating in the meditation challenge, which I am finding is rewarding but also a bit exhausting. There are some days unresolved issues pop into my mind during meditation, and that brings lots of thoughts swirling. There are some days outside circumstances affect my normally overflowing positive energy and I need to redirect.
I think with the Littles and homeschooling plus all that you do above that you have lots on your plate, so meditation perhaps temporarily takes the place of whatever inspiration or wisdom you find on the blogs.
Please celebrate all that you *are* accomplishing and let go the idea of all that you may feel you are not. It's all Divine perfect timing, and your Spirit is blooming and ready for you to access when you are ready.
Much peace....
I find that writing out my thoughts (however crazy they may be) helps me purge through them better. Like you, I don't want to silence my spirit for too long.
Great post Jill!
Thank you for the kind words Anonymous.
Joy - Thank you for your encouragement. I love knowing that others are taking this challenge seriously. Your blog is definitely one of those that I get inspiration and wisdom from. I always appreciate your thoughts.
Septembermom - I like how you say that writing out your thoughts helps you purge through them. Purging is the best way to clear out clutter isn't it. Thank you.
I think every now and then a mini hibernation is called for, and it's okay to go underground for awhile. I, as you know, went through a similar hiatus lately. I'm glad you're back up and talking again though. I missed you. :)
Don't be too hard on yourself. Good for you for doing the meditation. It sounds like it's going well and you're committed. That's huge. I'm happy to see you post again but don't worry we'll all be here again if you stop or pause for a while.
How did you decide to home school the two you did?
Kristy - I'm not sure if I was in hibernation or hiding, but I'm glad that I'm talking again too.
Tess - Thank you for your supportive words. This challenge has been a challenge, but I like the improvement that I'm seeing.
Funny you should ask about the decision to homeschool. It's in my newest post.
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