Rest in peace, Angel Kitty

This is a picture of our beautiful kitty, Angel. Angel came to us in October of 1999. We didn't go looking for a pet, she found us. Just showed up on my deck and never left. She was so little and helpless. Not-So-Little #1, who was 11 at the time, begged me to keep her. I knew that Mr. Man would never go for it. He grew up on a farm and cats belonged outside in the barn, not in the house. I knew he would never agree to keeping her, but I was falling in love with this angel kitty. He agreed that she could stay in the garage until we could locate her owner. Of course no owner turned up because this kitty came to us so that we could be her owner. Mr. Man was adamant about her staying in the garage, but it was October and it was getting cold outside. Not-So-Little #1 pleaded with Mr. Man to let Angel just stay in her bedroom at night, because no cat should suffer through MN winter evenings in a garage. Mr. Man once again, rather begrudgingly, agreed. Angel worked her magic and eventually made it into the house, and even though he would never admit to this, into the heart of Mr. Man. So we were adopted by this beautiful kitty.

Last evening I had to do something that I hope to never have to do again. I had to have my beautiful Angel Kitty euthanized. Unbeknownst to me, she developed Kidney Disease, and by the time I realized how ill she was it was too far along. My heart broke into a million little pieces last night. Today I sit here with so many thoughts running through my head that it is spinning. Why didn't I know she was that sick? How could I not see how much weight she had lost? Are my two oldest Littles blaming me? Am I blaming me? Did I do the right thing? Should I have tried to prolong her life? Why don't I have more pictures of her? And on, and on, and on.

The Littles are all sad and confused. When I left with the kitty she was just going to the doctor, why is she gone now? They didn't even get to say goodbye. None of the Littles wanted to go to school today, so they are home with me. We all need each others company. I don't think I could make it through this day without my family. I am being blessed with a never ending supply of hugs. I don't know if they are searching for hugs for themselves or giving me the hugs because they think I need them. It really doesn't matter. I just need the closeness of my beloved Littles today. They are all sitting in the living room watching cartoons right now. I am glad that they are able to laugh a little. Their giggles are comforting to me. I am not ready to giggle yet, but I will be. The sun is shining here today, but my heart is surrounded by dark clouds. I just need to sit in my grief and cherish the memories that Angel left imprinted in my soul. And because it will warm her heart, I am going to bake cookies with Little #5. She turned 8 yesterday, and is sad that her kitty died on her birthday.

Just my thoughts.