That was then, this is now

Wow!! This week has been so exciting for me. I can't say that anything monumental happened. I guess its monumental for me. I have found a spark. A spark of inspiration. That inspiration has been this blog. I have been thinking non-stop about blogging. I have added many new blogs to my blogroll. I read blogs, I read about how to blog and I feel so much energy filling my spirit. Good energy for a change. I have no idea where this obsession with blogging will take me. I am not interested in knowing that, I simply love feeling so alive. I love feeling like what I have to say is important. Even if it's only important to me. This wasn't always the case.

I started this blog February of 2008. At that time, I didn't want anyone to read my blog. The thought of someone actually reading it made me nervous and insecure. It was supposed to be a way for me to get my thoughts out, so that I would not get bogged down. I only posted 3 times in 2008. I guess I wasn't ready to speak. I started posting again in March 2009. I was still very insecure, but with the encouragement of my sister, I started blogging again. I knew that she was reading it, but I was ok with that. She truly inspired me with her blog. On the same note, I was also intimidated with her blog, because she had followers. I started comparing my blog to hers. Listening to that ego-voice in my head saying that my blog would never be read by anyone. I would never have anything exciting to blog about like her over at Stark Raving Zen. Stark Raving Zen sounds so much more exciting then Just My Thoughts. Boring!!

I feel like I have come a long way since my first post, Coming out of my comfort zone. It is June and I have only posted 12 times this year. I have told my ego to kindly be quiet. I didn't really say it that nicely, but I am trying to keep it clean here. I am happy to blog about whatever my heart wants to say. I love it when people read me, but it is ok if they don't. Because I am here to let my spirit have a voice first. I still love my sister's blog, but it is now pure inspiration instead of a reason to compare. I feel a strong desire to better my writing skills. I also want to make my blog more appealing to the eye. I may take a writing class. I have a feeling the appearance of my blog will change these next few months, as I experiment with design. I am very open to any tips I may get from more experienced bloggers and I am going to come out of hiding and start commenting on the blogs I do read.

I feel so clear for the first time in my 42 years of life about what I need to be doing. I need to explore this writing thing. I also need to learn how to balance this passion for writing with keeping my home running smoothly. Right now the passion is definitely bigger than the home running smoothly thing. Funny, though, we all seem so happy. Even amongst the clutter and chaos my kids and my husband seem genuinely happy. Isn't it awesome what joy can do for a family. Sometimes it just takes one persons joy to keep the happy energy flowing. I better go clean the kitchen now. Or maybe I'll play play-doh with little #6.

Just my thoughts.