I have recently been dealing with doubts about my ability to mother properly. Wishing I could start over and do things differently, but realizing that I probably wouldn't do things differently. Feeling like a lazy, selfish mother who doesn't like being bothered by the needs of others. Well, I remembered something today. I remembered the struggles that Baby Little had to deal with when she came into this world. I remembered how she was a "failure to thrive" baby and how the doctors told me, "This baby will never be able to nurse." I remembered the months and months of perseverance, where I tried EVERYTHING to make nursing work for her. How I was bound and determined to prove those doctors wrong. (I still snicker to myself when I think of how the doctors were wrong and she nursed till she was 4.) I remembered the months and months of crying and the miles of pacing I did with her. All this reminded me that I am not a lazy mother. When the going gets tough, I step up and do what needs to be done.
I don't have to do everything and be everything for my children. My undying love for them will carry them and lead them to be loving and caring as well. I may not be a playful parent, but they know that my lack of playfulness has nothing to do with them. It is just who I am. I may not be the most affectionate parent, but they know that when they need me I am ready with open arms.
I acknowledge that my criticisms about my parenting have come from me. There is no one in my life that has voiced an opinion on my parenting skills. I am my worst critic. I let go of all of the expectations that I brought into this life with me regarding mothering. I am seeing myself as a mother today. I am intelligent and caring enough to know what my children need. I am confident and strong enough to know when society is blowing smoke in my face about what a "good" mother looks like.
I'm a mom everyday. Have been for 24 years, 1 month and 4 days. I think I've got this one.
